Today I had to throw away a box of old writing's because the papers smell like our previous, moldy trailer. Reading or handling them too much would make me sick, and there's no point to towing nearly ten pounds of unusable paper around, so they're off to recycling.
It was difficult to let go of certain stories, especially this certain one which is basically the dream book of my childhood, but here's the thing: I haven't looked at those papers for over a year. Even though I had the excuse of the papers making me sick, I still wouldn't want to handle them in the future whenever I'm well either. I had no true use for them. Any good story (or details of a story) will remain in my mind, and I have some of each story written on the computer.
But the heart doesn't like to listen to reason, does it? I've had to give up my almost all possessions multiple times over, but there's something especially difficult in giving away a piece of my mind. I really struggled with losing all my baby/child photos for instance. I have a rosy view on pieces of my childhood, and losing photos was like losing wonderful memories. I was clinging to the past though, and God convicted me of that. He brought me out of my past life for a reason; He wanted me to let go of it so my hands are free for the future. Since letting go of photos, I've felt a wonderful freedom, and I experienced the same feeling today.
Those notebooks and loose-leaf papers and paper scraps held worlds and people all of my mind's creation. I've worked through grief and heartache through creating stories, those stories that I now have to toss. It was painful. It was pieces of my mind and heart I placed in the garbage bag. But they were heavy dusty untouched pieces that I'm beyond now. Holding onto them would only slow my progress forward. I'm moving into a new era in my life, and leaving behind those papers signifies that. I feel so much lighter and free, which is only natural when one sheds ten pounds.