After a thought provoking question from a friend, I've realized my Lord's been teaching me to trust Him and His goodness using a very specific method.
First, I need to explain that I have a need to know the why—the cause and effect, the purpose—to understand and remember a concept or be at peace with a situation. This, of course, isn't conducive to faith because God does not reveal the why immediately. Sometimes He never reveals it at all. To make up my own answers is to trust in my own wisdom and perception and not His.
I don't the full extent of why He allowed me to become so chemically and mold sensitive. I don't know all the reasons He took my home away and made me into a sojourner for nearly 7 years. I don't know how He's planning to use it all. But I do know and trust He's going to use it for His glory and for my good, because He's already shown His goodness through His perfect timing.
More times than I can recall, the Lord has done wonderful things on anniversaries of significant moments in my life. Or He brought me to the same place of the anniversary event. Or He answered a prayer connected to it. Every instance was completely hidden from my view until the perfect moment. As an example, I want to share a recent situation which He perfectly orchestrated.
A few weeks ago, I discovered the duo 2CELLOS. The cellists are from Croatia and Slovenia, and they are masters of their art. Here's one of my favorite performances, a cover of Coldplay's Viva la Vida.
When I found them, I got so excited. I dreamed of hearing them perform in person one day and made it a new bucket list item of mine. I checked their 2017 tour schedule, hoping that they'd be performing in the US and I could go. I discovered that they're coming to the US this summer, but nothing would have worked out. Dejected, I let the hope fade.
Over the next few weeks, my Lord gently told me to let go of something (completely separate from 2CELLOS) that I had earnestly desired and prayed for over several months. Last night, He made it unmistakably obvious I needed to finally and fully let go.
My heart was heavy and hurting. I needed something beautiful to soothe it, so I chose to listen to 2CELLOS on Youtube. As I listened and watched, my Lord whispered healing words into my heart. He spoke through the intricate melodies the musicians wove with their bows. He spoke through the way the cellists came alive as they lived out what their Creator made them to do. My Lord revealed His incredibly perfect and lovely nature through the beauty in the midst of my pain.
A sliver of the hope of hearing 2CELLOS perform live returned. I checked their tour schedule again. I thought maybe, since our travel plans had changed, something could work out. I ignored the fact that I couldn't buy tickets until after I checked the building to ensure my lungs would be okay in it, and that by then the possibly of the concert being sold out would be high. I scrolled past their European tour dates, noting how several performances in Japan had been added. I slowed when I reached the US dates and read carefully. California, Oregon, Washington, Nebraska, New York, nowhere on the east coast I could go to. Again. Yet I continued scrolling.
And then, I saw it. The name of an outdoor theater I recognized, in a city I'll be visiting, on a day I'm planning to be there.
My poor mother was on the phone when I started screaming in delight. I could hardly wait long enough for her to wrap up the conversation so I could confirm plans with her and order the tickets, which were blessedly affordable.
My Lord knew my heart needed such a wonderful surprise. Yet He didn't stop there.
When I opened my phone to mark my calendar with the concert date September 19th, I noticed an event was marked for the previous day. I checked to see what it was and jumped out of my seat, whooping and cheering in wonder and praise of my amazing God.
September 18th of this year is the 7th anniversary of my deliverance from the mold-infested house that would have killed me had I remained in it. The 2CELLOS concert is a celebration present from my Lord.
Even as I write this twenty-some hours later, I'm still in awe of Him. Again and again, He has shown me He is paying attention to the big events and the details of my life. He's shown me how perfect His timing is. It is always so much better than I could ever plan myself. His goodness and wisdom is so evident, I no longer feel the need to know the why of a painful situation to be at peace. I trust Him to guide me where He wants me, even if I don't want to be there, because He's shown that His ways are so much better than mine.